With Every Word, With Every Breath
by rahrah483
Summary: They say we can't feel pain. Zero- the ultimate fighter/sacrifice unit. But pain is natures warning system. And If I can't feel pain…then what's this feeling in my heart; tearing me to pieces with every breath she takes?


_Hello, this is my first Loveless Fanfiction. It is EXTREMELY Femslash, and rather graphic sexually (I think that perhaps it is not that well-written and for that, I apoligise)_

_I hope you like it, but if not…please tell me why :) Thank you so much! _

_XX_

Drip….Drip…Drip…Dr….

I'm crying in front of a mirror again. But this time the tears are harder, hotter, and my throat is sorer from screaming into the pillow. My sore chest aches, and I know that it's over tonight.

There's crimson on the ground and I stumble over to the toilet, spitting bile from my mouth. I hate this, a daily ritual of vomit and blood but soon it's all I will have left.

But then I must begin….commence the Remembering…

_*Flashback*_

_"Just once," Yamato whispered; clutching a bleeding wrist to her chest. "Just once I wanted…to feel…something."_

_Today was meant to be important. She was meant to meet HER, the girl she was bonded with._

_"Yamato?" Nagisa's voice tingled in her eyes, and 12 year old Yamato turned to see a tall girl with long black hair staring back at her. The other's chocolate eyes (so like her own) reflected nothing._

_"Yes, Sensei?" she replied, smoothing back her hair as nerves raged._

_"This is Yamato," The woman pushed the girl forward. "Your Fighter unit."_

_"Hello, I'm Koya," the black-haired female smiled happily. "I've been waiting for you always."_

_The other's eyebrows rose dramatically, and a small smile bit her lips._

_"Always?" She asked; her voice like a bell. The Professor left them alone and the two stared at each other curiously._

_Yamato nodded, eyes solemn. She rose, gently pressing her lips to the other's._

_FIVE YEARS LATER…_

_The pair were curled up in bed, snuggling together. Yamato kissed her neck and moved down Koya's body, brushing her lips in every contour, relishing every inch. She'd explored her lover's body before but tonight was different. So very different._

_"We've been together five years," Koya noted, playing with Yamato's hair. "We're almost adults. Maybe Nagasi will let us retire and move out when we turn 18?"_

_Yamato laughed at the hopeful expression on the other's face._

_"I don't think so," she whispered. "We'll be her slaves forever. But I don't mind, as long as I'm here with you."_

_Koya beamed in the darkness._

_"How do I make you feel?" the Fighter's voice dominated the silence._

_""What if the professor hears?" Yamato avoided the question. She didn't know what to say, how to explain._

_"No one will, we're all alone," Koya soothed. "Please, I need to know. How do I make you feel?"_

_Yamato took a deep breath, and the answer floated to her mind; filling her with the truth._

_"Like I can't breathe, like you're the only thing keeping me alive and I need to keep breathing in the same air because if I stop, I'll die," She whimpered. "I just, I know it is wrong but I can't help it."_

_Koya blinked, her eyes filled with tears._

_"I feel the same way," she sighed. "I love you Yamato. More than life itself…I would die for you too."_

_The girls shivered in the night, chilled by the thought of not having one another._

_"That'll never happen though," Koya smiled. "Because I'll be here to protect you."_

_"And I'll be here to stop the pain," Yamato replied; but her heart felt a little empty. All she did was stand there and pretend to be in pain…after all, what good was a sacrifice if the fighter couldn't be affected by the attacks?_

_They laid back again, breathing in each other's breath. The Sacrifice bent down, anything to hide her tears._

_"Koya," Yamato said, licking along the curve of Yamato's hip. "You look so good."_

_"You can't see me," Koya said quietly._

_"I can," Yamato replied, sliding her fingers underneath the waist of Yamato's soft pants. "I can't wait to get inside you."_

_"Yami," was all Koya could say as Yamato slid her pants down her thighs, and then tugged them off. The chill in the air surrounded Koya and She trembled slightly, pulling Yamato over her and burying her face in her sacrifice's neck. They would be one soon, the thought made Yamato ache._

_"Yami, this is it," Koya whimpered. "We're going to lose our ears tonight."_

_She spread her legs as wide as she could and locked them around Yamato's waist, pulling her close. She felt Yamato's thin finger nudge between her legs; into the silky wetness of her vagina and she moaned softly. Yamato put a hand over Koya's mouth and kissed her nose. Koya mumbled something through Yamato's fingers._

_"What?" Yamato asked quietly._

_"I do, oh… Please, just do it," Koya said clearly. "Yamato…I love you."_

_"After tonight," Yamato took Koya's hand and kissed her knuckles. "We'll truly be one, Koya."_

_Koya widened her eyes and took a deep breath. "Say it."_

_Yamato looked at Koya inquisitively._

_"This is big," the Fighter said softly. "I'm… giving you, you know. Say… it."_

_Yamato brushed their bellies together and grinded softly against Koya, nuzzling her face. "Love you, love you," She said against Koya's skin._

_Yamato moaned and pressed a hand, suddenly slick with lotion, against Koya's genitals. She stroked over Koya's heated centre twice and Yamato smiled, gaping down at her lover's long, naked body. Yamato slid her fingers out of Koya's vagina and lay back completely, stretching her body out, her hands over her head._

_Yamato ducked her head down and kissed Koya's lips, her hips pressing forward, her fingers testing the resistance of Koya's little body._

_Koya's eyes widened and Yamato could feel the heat as the digits sunk inside._

_She couldn't pay attention to the strange look, almost like pain (but that was impossible), on Koya's face or the way Koya's breath was stuttering out of her. All She could think of was how She was finally in Koya, of how fucking good it felt. Almost too good and She only had two fingers inside her lover._

_Koya was trying not to cry out, trying not to shove Yamato off her and curl into a ball. She was being ripped in half, her entire body was cramping up._

_"Oh, god," Koya whimpered softly, under her breath. "Yamato…YAMATO!"_

_"Fuck," Yamato hissed, dropping her head down, forehead pressed to Koya's small chest. "Koya, I'm… I'm, shit, oh… Shit… I'm…"_

_Crooking her fingers harshly; Yamato slid her hips forward in time with her thrusting digits that were slick and wet from the fluids spilling from Koya's vagina. She rode slightly into Koya; feeling herself begin to ache with arousal, the heated centre now a hardened nub She rubbed across Koya's shaking thighs._

_"I love you, Yamato," She stuttered, feeling something gush from between her legs. A sticky line of Cum trailed onto Koya's legs and Yamato laughed slightly. "Now we really are one."_

_She sighed; nuzzling her face to Koya's as the other gasped and more liquid trailed from inside as she came into her orgasm. The pair lay panting before Koya screeched; grabbing at her ears._

_"What?" Yamato asked; hovering protectively. She noticed as Yamato's ears shrank and disappeared; signaling the black-haired fighter's entry into Adulthood. Yamato assumed her own ears had done the same. There was not much pain involved, no more than a sharp, strange cramping._

_"I can't be seen without my ears," Koya hissed; drawing her legs up to her chin. "Yamato…find me some fake ears."_

_"Why?" Yamato smirked. "You're a woman now, like me."_

_Yamato rolled her eyes ad kissed her lover's cheek._

_"Because, " She sighed. "Nagisa will kill us if she knew we had taken each other's ears. I must wear them despite not being a virgin, to help with the disguises as normal teenagers."_

_Yamato breathed harshly; wanting to show the world that Koya was hers. But She knew her lover spoke of the truth. Nagisa wanted everyone to think the Zero fighter-unit was unique, unable to be breached in anyway. Also; it added innocence and few were heartless enough to strike harshly at a virgin fighter._

_"Ok, Koya ," She whispered. "I'll get you some soon."_

_"Thank you," Koya smiled happily. She looked so cute, all exposed and rumpled. Yamato kissed her softly. They lay together, naked bodies spooning._

_"Did you hear that?" the fighter asked; stirring slightly._

_"No, go back to sleep," the sacrifice groaned; snuggling closer._

_Suddenly; the door burst open and in stormed Nagasi. Her grey hair was like a swarm of snakes as she ran over to the bed._

_"What is this?" she shrieked, taking in the scene before her._

_"We've taken each other's ears," Koya said slowly. "We didn't mean any disrespect but we wanted to form our bond properly. Sorry sensei"_

_"You don't need to form a bond," the older woman hissed. "You're Zero, you've already got the bond programmed into you."_

_Yamato yawned, stretching so her breasts brushed against those of Koya's. Nagasi's eyes went wide and furious._

_"Get out of that bed!" she howled, grabbing at Yamato. The sacrifice grunted and fell off the sheets. Koya shrieked, standing swiftly to help out. She was grabbed by their instructor and pulled away harshly._

_"KOYA!" Yamato screamed, chasing after her lover. In the months that followed, she would regret the fact they didn't use a word spell to protect themselves. With such fear around…there was no time._

_*END OF FLASHBACK*_

Locked in a world without my lover, I hiss as I remember that night. I can't bear to live without her, she was the reason I was born. I force myself to stop remembering and silently beg my legs to just carry me the few steps to her room, across the hall from my own.

Smiling sadly, I lifts the one thing in the world that could take away the pain.

That's right. Pain.

I didn't realize we were capable of experiencing such an emotion, And If I , according to my creator, can't feel pain…then what's this feeling in my heart; tearing me to pieces with every breath I take alone?

I holds the one thing that can bring her back, cradling it tenderly in my hands. But I have to be sure that when it takes the pain it always give me back my love. So I say a little prayer, begging to be forgiven for my wrongs, begging to just be with my lover again. With my other half…with my life…

Seconds later I put the gun to my head, and imagines what it'll be like to hold my girl again.

_Hold me, else I'll be drifting alone in the night_

_Take me along and hold me_

_else I'll be drifting alone in the night_

**A/N: I hope you all enjoyed and that I didn't make a fool of myself! .**

**Also, the "normal text" parts (that weren't part of the flashback) could be from either girl's POV. It's just a little idea that with one dead, they're indistinguishable from one another. Unified in a desire to return to the other girl no matter the cost.**

**Nagasi killed one girl because she believed that with them bonded, it would prove to be more difficult to control them. Even with fake ears, their adult maturity would begin to show, and rivals would no longer think of them as innocent teenage girls…thus making them a (realistically) formidable opponent. **

**Sorry if I've messed everything up. I just wanted it to be sad and truthful in some small way.**


End file.
